Welcome, all, to the third Weekly Hat. This week has, sadly, not been the most exciting one ever in terms of obvious news I can mock, but thanks to the release of the Digital Britain, I can cover up for the lack of news with a lengthy lead feature about, yes, the internet.

Whereas the newspapers did a pretty cruddy job of covering the lack of news. On Wednesday, the Daily Mail devoted their entire front page to Britain’s outrage at having three wheelie bins in their gardens. No, seriously, it was the stupidest thing I’d seen in a while. The Sun, that day, decided to dig up the Baby P storyline, in the belief that they could flog that dead toddler horse a tiny bit longer.

But never mind, I hear we may find out the identity of the Stig on Top Gear tonight. I considered delaying publication so I could cover this, then realised that was stupid.

Contents?

• Main feature: The government loves the internet. The internet hates the government. The entertainment industry hates them both. How can this love triangle be resolved?
• And now sports: Hateful, apathetic coverage of Formula 1, in advance of today’s British Grand Prix.
• Bit of a Blur: In a genuine dream-come-true moment, I attended a Blur secret gig in London this week. Did it live up to my hopes? Could it ever?
• Media and stuff: The movie of Coraline! The corpse of Captain America! The death of Primeval! The presses are stopped!
• Behatted Photo Of The Week: Already, celebrities are lining up not to mention this feature anywhere.
• Next week: Predictions so accurate, you’ll wonder how I do it without a time machine or magic 8-ball.

A Weekly Hat so packed, I actually wrote something and then cut it out. (Read on to find out what!) And don’t worry, Twitter users, the whole Iran thing is mentioned… at least twice.

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So, this is among the latest Weekly Hat posts ever, but in my slight defence, I got back from holiday last night and have spent most of today (with a few quite lengthy breaks) writing the damn thing. You’ll be happy to hear that I should be available to do this on time for the next few weeks. Score. And I was also glad to see that the automated postings I set up for last week’s Weekly Hat and Behatted comics actually worked.

Thank you all for being about. Now, as I’m tired and have still more Behatted tasks to do before I can lie down, on with the contents…

• Private eduction buys a photocopier: Apparently education costs money. But it could cost more!
• And then I went to Ireland…: A slightly bloggy holiday-based interlude.
• Media and stuff: New TV! New Aqua! New danger!
• Behatted Photo Of The Week: Amazed I haven’t done this one before, really.

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Good evening. And, indeed, happy Christmas!

Yes, this be the last Weekly Hat before turkey day on Friday. I am viewing next week’s as the big Christmas Special, as that will go out the day after Boxing Day and feature such festive things as the Christmas Doctor Who episode and, um, something else. But today is the last one before it, so have a good day.

It’s also a bit later than usual, partly because I didn’t start it until eleven this morning and partly because I wanted to wait for the result of the Rage/McElderry chart showdown. As luck would have it, said results leaked at about half three, so I’ve done all the writing by half four and, presuming the leaks are correct, will just click publish shortly after they announce the number one at seven.

That’s probably enough preamble. Contents!

• How About This Weather?: This week, two big stories have hit involving weather. So I have combined them.
• Media And Stuff Special – Raging Against The X Factor: Decided this had become big enough to expand from the Media bit.
• Media And Stuff: Plus I had enough other random guff to fill this bit without it. Merlin! Doctor Who! Get a free book!
• Behatted Photo Of The Week: Someone whose TV show has just finished. (For now.)

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